Tuesday 16 December 2014

Cold mornings, colder hearts

And just like that, it started, at first a slight nip in the air. As time went by, like a ripple in the waves, it became pleasant. As did you.

The relief that surrounded me was unimaginable.

Finally, I thought.

I couldn't stop smiling.

The mere thought of you made me giddy with happiness.

I really started questioning if luck was actually so benevolent. 

It felt unreal. 

Certainly it wasn't. 

You were mine. I was yours. 

Wasn't that the truth?

You comforted me. Of course it was. You hid me in the shadow of your strong chest. I felt safe. 

And vulnerable, at the same time. 

You knew me. My insecurities, my pain. My dreams. 

I knew you. 

At least I'd like to think I did. 

I knew your tears, hot and wild, gushing out as if from a cloud. I knew your eyes, when they were lying to me. 

Steel grey, unflinching. 

I knew you wouldn't dream of it. 

But sure, you had. 

I had given them solace, when you could find none. 

Your hopes were now mine. Your ambitions, mine. 

Ours. 


But then, all of a sudden, you became distant. 

Like a storm in the middle of gentle rain. 

The mornings grew colder. As did you.

Something in your heart froze. 

Like the river that stopped flowing. 

You became unfamiliar, almost like foreign territory. 

Your touch felt strange. 

Your skin felt ruffled. By someone else. 

Your visits grew shorter, the pauses in our conversation, longer. 

You left the coffee untouched, just as you had stopped touching my soul. 

The tune we composed together was left incomplete. 

Maybe the tuning was off. 

There needed to be a few checks.

Maybe,it wasn't meant to be.

Whoknows?

Did someone grow jealous?

Had our love ever hurt someone? Unknowingly or ...

I didn't want to know.

I didn't care.

But my mind doesn't forget you. Like a distant observer, it reports your presence in my thoughts. Continuous. Dismal. Abysmal.

The dawns are chilly, and you have become a distant memory. But still, each day that I awake to, reminds me of you.

As I rise from the bed, the pain engulfs me. The pain of your separation. 

Nostalgia greets me in my face every morning.

I try to remember you. Your voice. Your face. But the outlines just don't want to fill in.

Sometimes,I see someone that reminds me of us.

But it's not bitter anymore.

I forgive you. 

Without you, music still feels lonely. 

Without you, coffee still doesn't taste sweet. 

I long for a companionship like yours. 

They say love is complicated. It wasn't, at least with you. 

They say sharing a piece of you can't be easy. It was, at least with you. 

Certainly, I wasn't the only one feeling all this. 

You knew what it was. 

It was true, didn't you feel it?

I remember, once you said to me," I can't seem to swallow a morsel of good food without you."

I was shy. You smiled that charming smile of yours. 

Was that your grand admission of love?

I do not know yet, I think it was. 

Will you tell me?

Your voice, which at once, was soothing, now feels unheard of. 

Even if I hear it again, I fear, I may not realise that it belongs to you. 

Will you let me hear it? If only, once?

I will be waiting.    

I miss you. 

Your thin fingers running through my hair. 

Don't wait for the skies to clear. Or for it to rain. Please. 

We never know whose turn it can be next, so don't wait for the clouds to have a silver lining or the worlds to conspire to give you a sign.       

Just, please, don't wait.